The psychology of former men is a mystery, which is sometimes difficult to comprehend even for women who have spent many years of marriage with their “yesterday” partner. Having suddenly and without a trace disappeared in the midst of a fiery relationship, after some time the “former” may suddenly begin to overcome his abandoned passion with annoying phone calls with fiery pleas for a date. The resigned weak-willed "henpecked", having learned about the desire of his beloved to resume meetings, unexpectedly shows surprising firmness of character, and in a rather harsh form declares the absolute futility of such attempts. And the “wolf of a free tribe” resolutely crossed out by a woman from her life, on the contrary, a week after the break in relations suddenly turns into a “meek lamb”, and almost on her knees offers her hand and heart to the shrew.

So what is important for a woman to know about the psychology of relationships in order to behave correctly with an ex-man and avoid possible annoying mistakes? Consider the most common life situations.

The psychology of an abandoned man

There can be many reasons for a woman's decision to break up a relationship, starting with the dissimilarity of characters, and ending with a lack of feelings for a partner, or betrayals constantly practiced by him. If this is your case, be prepared for the fact that the “half” you left behind can remind you of yourself for a long time and repeatedly, demanding clarification of the situation, assurances of love, pleas for forgiveness, or even blackmail and threats. Such is the psychology of former men: they subconsciously reserve the right to put an end to relationships exclusively for themselves. An active "guide to action" can serve not only as an infringed male pride, but also ordinary egoism, along with the "owner's complex" that has won.

And, of course, you should not exclude the presence of sincere affection for you on his part. The last case requires you to be especially correct. No matter how oppressive the need for a frank conversation may be, show respect to your partner, and explain to him as gently as possible the motives and prospects for your decision. Be honest, and don't leave him a ghostly hope for the possibility of resuming communication in an indefinite future. And in no case do not resort to the banal offer "to remain friends." Continuing communication “at a new level” can only exacerbate your guilt, and the man you left behind can prevent you from starting life “from scratch” as soon as possible.

How to behave if you have been abandoned?

To realize and come to terms with the fact that a loved one decided to put an end to a relationship is often not easy even for the strongest and most self-sufficient women. Meetings that suddenly stopped, the “silence” of the phone and the lack of answers to alarmed SMS are typical behavior of many men who do not want to bother with tedious and far from pleasant explanations for them. Moreover, the more actively the former lover recalls her existence, the more irritation this causes in her former partner. The only true way out for a woman who finds herself in such a situation, and at the same time does not lose hope of returning her beloved, is the manifestation of absolute indifference to the circumstances. And the reason for this "phenomenon" is the notorious psychology of former men. The demonstrative absence on the part of the abandoned woman of any reaction to the break in relations can awaken in the former partner the “male interest”, thereby provoking him to immediately renew the old relationship.

If, despite all the efforts, you have not managed to return your soul mate, think about it: is it worth wasting time and feelings on a person who is not interested in being with you? The essence of the psychology of relations between a man and a woman is fully revealed in the wise aphorism: "It is impossible to hide love where it is, and show it where it is not." Do not demand the impossible from fate - and it will certainly give you a meeting with someone with whom you will be connected by truly sincere, lasting and mutual feelings!

Psychology: how to communicate with an ex-man (woman)

Svetik Svetovskii

Svetlana, 29 years old.
Divorced, two children.

Hello)) I have such a problem - I love the former, who constantly reminds me of himself.
I divorced a year and a half ago from b / m, (there were many reasons, and in principle there was no love, for 6 years they lived only because of children, son 5, daughter 10). Then I met a guy (he's 27, I'm 29), purely by chance, in Viber... We started talking, dating. Everything dragged on, spun, we practically began to live together. Five months later, I began to notice that he became colder, called less often, wrote less often, constantly some excuses that he had no time to come to me, etc. Naturally, I began to blow his mind about this, cry, hysteria. To be offended... Then we had a conversation. To my question: "What happened, you became some kind of stranger.?" He replied: "I don't want a serious relationship, I don't want claims, I want to be on my own, but I also want to communicate with you..."... Well, in general, then he said that he just wants a relationship without obligations. I understand that because of the children (((
It offended me, it hurt me a lot ... This is where our communication ended. (on my initiative). I changed my phone number, he found it. He calls, laughs, as if he’s mocking on purpose ... It’s been 8 months since they parted, during this period he wrote - he called four times, we met twice ... I can’t build relationships with anyone, although there are quite enough worthy suitors around me... He's constantly in my head. I cry at night like a little one ... I didn’t have such feelings for my husband. And the fact that I love him - I realized just recently ... He also has no relationship. Yes, and he will not be with me, where is he - I have two children ... I want to forget him, it doesn’t work ... My soul is torn apart inside.

Svetik Svetovskii, hello! I understand from your story that this man does not need you in any way, except for rare meetings in the mood. That your communication for 8 months was reduced to 4 calls and 2 meetings. At the same time, you suddenly decided recently that you are in love with him, although you meet other men and "there are a lot of worthy suitors around." And your friend openly declares to you that he just wants sex without obligations, specifically finds your phone and "Calls, laughs, as if he's mocking on purpose ...". What exactly attracts you in this man, what distinguishes him from others, besides his inappropriate behavior?

What kind of help do you expect from a psychologist?

Svetik Svetovskii

Hello Irina) I met with two men, trying to forget him. Nothing came of it. I myself cut off communication, because I constantly compared him with them, they just started to annoy ... I can’t explain why he hooked me, how he stands out among the whole crowd - he is far from handsome, but at the same time not ugly. .. But I like everything about him, for the life of me... I understand that I'm behaving like a rag, but I can't help myself. What help do I want - to start loving myself, stop loving him, because it's pointless ... At first, after parting, I thought it was attachment, I was in a terrible depression for a month and a half, crying every day and not eating almost ... I drove myself away thoughts - that perhaps I love. Then I began to hate him, to despise him. For the fact that I was in so much pain ... The first time after breaking up, we met five months later. The second time two weeks later ... Well, for three months he was again in my head, but now it hurts even more. A week ago, he calls again, asking how things are, what I'm doing. 20 minutes of chatting, in principle, about nothing, but he didn’t hint at meeting ... I don’t understand why he is doing this, knowing that he is for me for a reason ...

“At first, after parting, I thought it was attachment, I was in a terrible depression for a month and a half, crying every day and not eating almost ... I drove thoughts from myself that I might love. Then I began to hate him, despise him. For what I had it hurts so much ... The first time after breaking up we met five months later. The second time after two weeks ... "
Svetik Svetovskii, from your story it is clear that you already once experienced a painful separation from him, and then you learned and you can live quite normally without him - nothing terrible happens
What prevents you from blocking his phone and stop communicating with him at all? If you want to start a family, then this man does not even give you such hope - he very definitely indicated your place to you.

The fact that he is in your head is understandable - he disappears and appears suddenly when he wants to. And you are always in suspense, thinking about him, because you are waiting for him to appear. At the same time, he offers you nothing but rare sex. If such a relationship suits you and excites your imagination, then you can continue to participate in his game. He doesn’t care about your feelings, he lives the way he wants, without even trying to pretend that he cares for you.
What does it make sense for you to think about - those months that you do not communicate live, with whom does he spend time? How many other girls like him are on hold? He does not constantly meet with anyone, but does this mean that he has been leading a monastic lifestyle all these months?

Svetik Svetovskii

I understand perfectly well that he has some sort of personal life of his own. Yes, I lived without him until he appeared again, only now it hurts me a thousand times more. I kick myself for letting this happen. In the role of a fleeting mistress every three or two months, I also do not want to be. Perhaps I hope that he will reconsider his views - which is unlikely.
Yesterday I wrote to him myself, offered to meet (which I regret now!), To which he replied - perhaps ... Someday, in the coming days. I act like a fool, I reprimand myself. I want to forget him, to hate him. I can’t ... I look for flaws in it and immediately smooth them out. Some vicious circle...

Svetik Svetovskii, this vicious circle will be exactly as long as you are available for communication. If you block his phone and remove all contacts associated with him, then your torment will end very soon.
In the meantime, you leave yourself a loophole for communication, you just play with your feelings - comb out old sores. Occupation is very doubtful in terms of usefulness.
Well, you will spend a few more years under the impression of this man, you will suffer - what then? What will you be left with? Why all this torment?
"Good suitors", which are now many around you, are getting married and your circle of pleasant communication will be empty. Do you plan to live from call to call, from a meeting every six months to the next one? Are you waiting for your man to tell you that he got married (to a young woman without children)? How will you feel about it? Do not feel sorry for the years spent on empty waiting?

Svetik Svetovskii

Thank you for answering)))
You are absolutely right about everything! I completely agree with you ... This is what I wanted to hear perhaps. Criticism in my address - make sure that I myself allow him to pull on my sores. I'll try to heed your advice

Svetik Svetovskii, I wish you to pay more attention to yourself and your personal life. This man does not contribute to increasing your self-esteem and does not allow you to move into the future, fulfill your dreams.
Think of yourself, not him.

You just started smiling in the morning and before bed. Suddenly…

You have been together for a while. Perhaps a few months, perhaps many years. You were infatuated with each other, or even loved. Then it happened that you broke up.

You were sad, angry, sobbing, lost a couple of kilograms. I consoled myself with my girlfriends, visited a psychologist, went in for sports, traveled the world, started a dozen new hobbies, realized that life was just beginning, began to look great, go to concerts, theaters, dates. I began to smile in the morning and before going to bed. Suddenly…

Rising from the ashes, he is born. As in the old joke: "All in white!".

Where he was? Why did you return? What does he want? How should I react to it? These and other questions instantly pop up in a woman's head, enter her into confusion.

A colleague of mine once gave a great example from the life of porcupines: “At night, when it gets cool, the porcupines roll together to keep warm. But as soon as they get close, they hurt each other with their long needles. Animals move away from pain. It gets cold again, they get close again, hurt each other, roll back ... So the night of porcupines passes.

When I heard this story, I immediately had an association with former men. There is no such "porcupine" that would never "roll" back. Why are they doing that?

Why they are coming back: three reasons

The first reason: evaluate the correctness of the choice

Men are pragmatic, and for the most part have an analytical mindset. Once having made a choice, a man with a certain frequency checks its relevance and correctness. Whether it's marriage to a woman, or a break with her. At the same time, it should be understood that a man remembers his ex at the moment when something went wrong with the real one. Therefore, by the frequency of appearances, you can track the dynamics of his personal life, without even asking him about it.

Second reason: check ownership

If the initiative of the break came from a man, and especially if there was no break as such, but he simply moved away, he still retains a sense of the right to possess this woman for a long time. And then the man appears to make sure that her thoughts and feelings still belong to him.

Your emotional reaction will help him make sure of this. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative. If a woman loves and waits, she belongs to him. If a woman hates or suffers, she belongs to him. This is why an ex so often triggers an emotional reaction in us. Cold-blooded, benevolent indifference is the worst thing a man can find. So he understands that the woman is no longer his.

Third reason: you started to live

A happy woman has a magnet - a man is drawn to her. Starting a relationship in a fulfilled state, a woman focuses on a man, forgets about life in all its diversity. And devastated.

Then for a long time, suffering for a man after a breakup, a woman does not really live, remaining empty. Naturally, he does not remember her. But when she begins to live, do what she loves, communicate, enjoy, go on dates, create career success, a man feels this energy. The energy of life, positive, success, pleasure, and immediately appears. A filled, charged woman again becomes interesting to him.

If an ex appears in your life, and you are not going to renew a relationship with him, then remember these three tips.

The appearance of former men in a woman's life can be safely taken as a compliment to her energy fullness.

Tip 2: Be friends if such relationships create value for you

I do not recommend starting a friendship with an ex-man for a year or two after breaking up. This is the period of loss. At this moment, friendship cannot be sincere, most likely, it is accompanied by suffering and hopes of one of the parties. But after the separation process has been completed, we can maintain friendly relations with former partners if it is beneficial and pleasant for both.

Being friends with an ex is all about getting/creating help and support, collaborating, cheer up, and much more that people who are sympathetic to each other in many ways can do.

Tip 3: Be amazed at the wisdom of the universe and thank it

It's amazing, but through the prism of time, people begin to understand that the breakup was not a drama, not a tragedy, but a gift. Almost no one, ten years after a divorce or separation, thinks about resuming a relationship. The more time passes, the more obvious is the grand design of the universe.

Good for you past, present and future female happiness, my dear!

Reading time: 2 min

The psychology of men is a rather primitive thing, according to many representatives of the beautiful half of humanity. But in thinking this way, they are making a huge mistake. Men are not ordinary, but specific. They do not like to complicate and create problems from scratch. In general, the strong half behaves in a completely different way in comparison with women. Therefore, understanding all the subtleties of the device of the psychology of men will allow the weaker sex build more effective models of relationships with husbands, friends, bosses, sons and just a random environment. In most cases, the sons of Adam, regardless of belonging to a certain age group or social group, even in adulthood remain children, only their hobbies become larger and they can afford much more, while remaining at heart as vulnerable as childhood .

The psychology of men is such that only outwardly they are overly self-confident, persistent and unshakable. However, this is a mask. Many women are lost in the assumptions why they do not develop relationships with the male sex, not realizing that when communicating they take the mask for reality, as a result of which they make many mistakes that the male sex does not forgive. It has long been customary to call men the stronger sex. They deserved such a title only because of their physical advantage over women, and mentally they are less strong than the beautiful half. Often the female gender does not understand that the gentlemen who accompany them through life can also be vulnerable and vulnerable, need tenderness and care.

Secrets of the psychology of men

Often, each of the representatives of the human race sins by trying to interpret another individual through the prism of himself. In other words, human nature is such that each subject ascribes to another character traits that he himself has, or a model of behavior in certain situations that is inherent in him. And when the other begins to behave in a different way, it seems to the individual that they are not valued. But in reality, the other individual only expresses sympathy, agreement or disagreement in a different way.

People often lack the opportunity to look at situations from an alternative perspective or “other eyes”. Women in difficult situations do not put themselves in the place of their husbands, but only suggest what they need to do. At the same time, they completely forget about personal individuality and many other related factors. Naturally, the average husband, who does not have the gift of reading women's thoughts, acts in a completely different way. This is how they are born women's grievances on the representatives of the stronger sex, who absolutely do not understand them. Such an approach, of course, has a negative impact on the relationship between the sexes and on their mutual understanding in general.

To understand the psychology of men, it is necessary to divide the entire male brotherhood into certain types. Any "normal" representative of the stronger sex strives to achieve some goal known to him. It is important for some to provide evidence to others of their own significance, others strive to become the center of any team, absolutely everyone likes it, others lust for power, fourths see their goal in helping others, and fifths, on the contrary, are used to only taking, giving nothing in return.

Psychology of men or how to understand a man?

This is probably strange, but even when the children of Adam and Eve speak the same language, they still do not understand each other. And the point is not in the used declensions, endings, suffixes, pronouns and prefixes, but in the different expression of one's own opinions and experiences. An example of this is the retelling of an ordinary children's fairy tale, heard from the lips of a boy and uttered by a girl. The big difference between their stories will be immediately noticeable.

If the basics of male communication and female language were taught in school lessons, many conflicts between the sexes could be avoided.

For men, actions are the main thing, while for the female part - inner world and emotions. While the strong half is thinking about the accomplishment of a world revolution, the weak part of the population is figuring out a new culinary masterpiece, supposed for dinner. When the solution to a complex production problem is spinning in his brain, her head is crammed with all sorts of options for losing weight as soon as possible. Women tend to think more concretely and narrowly than men. The strong half often does not notice scattered socks, dirty dishes and cobwebs in the corners, in turn, the weak half notices any mess in an instant and she instantly has a decision on how to fix everything. It follows from this that since women cannot understand the representatives of the stronger sex with their minds, then one should not project their own worldview onto them.

We must accept the fact that there is a psychological difference between men and women. It is necessary to reconcile with this postulate and not to dispute it in vain. Often, most ladies take dissimilarity for unwillingness to build relationships fruitfully. Men are mostly straightforward. For the most part, they themselves do not know how to hint and do not understand hints.

If you set a goal, then male behavior becomes very understandable. The stronger sex calls brown eyes - brown, and the blue dress - blue, while the weaker half believes that she has golden-brown eyes, and the dress is the color of the deep sea. Men don't mix concrete concepts with emotions. They are economists by nature - they are used to saving time and internal reserves.

Representatives of the stronger sex do not have telepathic abilities, so you should not be offended by the chosen ones who did not give a bouquet of flowers, which the charmer so dreamed of. Another fact from male psychology is their inability to read minds. Male individuals are simply not trained in telepathy, as a result of which they cannot guess about women's dreams and requests. Therefore, if the ladies want to achieve something from their gentlemen or ordinary colleagues, they should talk about it to the representatives of the stronger half, and preferably more than ten times, so that they will definitely understand. You need to demand what you want from men and not be shy. The main condition is a calm and confident tone so that a man can realize that the subject of conversation is very important for a woman, as a result of which he will satisfy the “request” with pleasure.

How to understand a man? Male psychology tells us that male individuals simply cannot stand being commanded. It is not necessary to tell the sons of Adam what and when, how they need to do some work. It will be enough just to determine your own point of view.

In addition, men are very pressured by the boundaries into which society has driven them. The male part of the population should always conform to three myths:

The strong half never cries, because tears are the lot of weak girls;

The strong half must always remain serious;

In any case, the strong half must remain strong.

A man is, first of all, a living being, not a robot. He cannot react in accordance with rules invented by no one knows. Therefore, men also cry. And there is nothing unnatural or shameful in their tears. Also, men don't always have to be serious. Representatives of the stronger half should be accepted as real, that is, as they really are, and not be adjusted to the limits contrived by society. In addition, the excessive seriousness of a partner, work colleagues, relatives quickly tires, as a result of which they try to avoid such people as far as possible. Also, men are simply not physically able to always be strong spiritually. They also have bad days. And at a difficult moment, they expect support, not the phrase: “Be a man!”. Do not forget that the sons of Adam are also endowed with a heart and a soul. They also have the right to experience and express emotions.

Psychology of a man in a relationship

Any man is characterized by the presence of certain requirements for a partner. And if their "wishes" are brought together in accordance with male psychology, then we get a very monotonous set of requirements.

The psychology of men in relations with women is manifested in a certain set of ideas about a companion, about her behavioral manifestations and appearance. If a woman spends a little of her own time to deal with the uncomplicated mental organization of men, then by doing so she will gain a golden key that unlocks the cherished door hidden by a happy relationship.

First, the mental activity of male individuals is quite straightforward and absolutely concrete. As a result of this feature, it is difficult for men to keep up with the high-speed flow of women's thoughts. Representatives of the strong half are more interested in the essence of things. Every sentence you say should have a practical meaning. Water in conversations can drive men crazy.

Many ladies are trying to find a hidden meaning in any male action and are systematically engaged in self-digging, which leads to confusion in relationships. It will be more effective not to analyze all male actions, but to deal with the needs of the chosen one and help him implement them in life.

In principle, male and female needs are similar to each other, but there are a number of differences that lead to confrontation in relationships. For the emotional health of the representatives of the strong half of the population, a sense of self-worth is vital. And their professional fulfillment and financial security play an important role in this. Money inspires confidence in men. It is important for the male sex to feel like a breadwinner. In addition, men achieve self-confidence through a variety of hobbies and hobbies. Therefore, it is recommended that women do their best to encourage male hobbies. Men's interests should not be banned, they can only be slightly directed in the right direction. For example, from computer games to fishing. Interests help the stronger sex to restore their own mental strength or find opportunities to express their own emotions. It must be understood that personal interests are personal territory, entry to which is prohibited without knocking.

Men are very greedy for flattery and slightly conceited. These are their weaknesses, but everyone has weaknesses. Therefore, women should learn to turn to their advantage. To do this, you need to occasionally emphasize his competence, quick wit, sense of humor and intelligence. And, besides, it is recommended not to spare a word of gratitude for men.

Representatives of the stronger sex need confidence in their own ability to find ways out of any situation. This gives them a sense of their importance. Significance for the stronger sex is often of key importance in achieving global goals. Therefore, the weak half is recommended to learn to give significance to their spouses in order to feel with them as if behind a stone wall. A man, rewarded with his other half of significance, will delight his chosen one again and again with new achievements and gifts!

The psychology of a man in love lies in his need for support from his partner and love. And especially they need physical love, thanks to which they feel fulfilled. Often, emotional male depression indicates a violation of any means of receiving love. Therefore, it is required to find out what ways of showing love a man needs in order to pay special attention to them.

Men, although they are considered the strong half of the population, they also need a sense of security and want to feel their own belonging. As a result of belonging to a social group, the representatives of the stronger sex feel safer and can climb the career ladder, earn respect and admiration. In order for psychological health to be normal, it is important for men to successfully cooperate with the environment. And the respect of society is the proof of their worthy life to the male sex.

It is important for Eve's daughters to learn to thank their own partners for their successes, achievements and admire strategic steps.

The male gender respects honesty in the weak half. They need their loved ones to answer all their interrogative statements honestly and confidently, to truthfully voice their own desires and needs, without wagging and hints.

The sons of Adam are fans of self-confident ladies and self-sufficient individuals. Men are attracted like a magnet by active young ladies and independent ladies who have personal interests and their own circle of friends. Men dream that their spouse combines confidence along with tenderness, care and independence, intelligence and humor. They are fond of versatile women who are able to change externally and spiritually, demonstrate various facets of their own character and personality.

Representatives of the stronger sex hate manipulation in relationships. They are simply too lazy to try to guess the "signals" of their companion. They dream of a calm and simple relationship, a relationship in which the soul rests.

The male sex believes that ladies should want to develop personally and take responsibility for their own worries and emotions. The strong half admires young ladies who know how to laugh at themselves and allow themselves to make mistakes.

Although there is an opinion that there are no faithful representatives of the stronger sex, men themselves demand fidelity in relationships. They want to communicate and live with a woman, while not worrying that she has a crowd of admirers with whom she flirts and makes eyes at them. Men need sincere relationships.

Thus, the ideal companion in the harsh male life is a universal woman. However, it should not be universal for the entire male population, but for one particular man.

Psychology of a loving man

The stronger sex does not show their own feelings openly. The male part of the population prefers business. It is easier for them to fulfill all the whims of their beloved, so long as they do not express their love. It is difficult for men to sincerely talk about feelings.

Psychology of a man in love.

A man in love in the presence of an object of love becomes shy, even being a leader by nature. The main signal demonstrating the presence of feelings in a representative of a strong field is a long look directed towards the object of feelings. If a man feels exclusively passion for a lady, then his behavior will be different. With surging lust, the representative of the male part of the population becomes more arrogant and assertive in dealing with the object of passion. His postures and gestures are dominated by slight aggressiveness. All his actions are aimed at invading the personal space of the young lady. A man inflamed with passion constantly tries to hug a woman.

A man should feel like a conqueror, so they do not like "sticky" young ladies. Excessive assertiveness will only frighten and repel them.

The psychology of men in love is such that such behavior will only cause resistance to approaching such a “warrior”. Therefore, girls are advised to keep a distance, to remain a secret that you want to open. A man is a hunter, as a result of which he is interested in prey "on a silver platter" exclusively as a one-time meal.

The psychology of men in relations with women is characterized by a rapid cooling of the first to the second. The strong half is simply unable to hold long time own interest in one object. And therefore, women need to learn how to intrigue the chosen ones, without fully revealing themselves to them. An inaccessible girl is always attractive to the stronger sex. After all, it was not for nothing that the gentlemen of the past were capable of reckless actions for the sake of one glance of the chosen one. Thanks to chastity, the beauties of the Middle Ages forced men to commit serious deeds. A woman, even after marriage, is not recommended to reveal her own thoughts and innermost secrets to her husband. Representatives of the weaker sex need to hide a mystery no matter what. After all, thanks to her, the routine of everyday life and the dullness of life will never enter into married life.

The psychology of men in love goes through three phases of love. The first phase begins in a period when the relationship itself does not yet exist, and is a state of falling in love.

Male psychology at this phase, provokes the representatives of the stronger sex to try to interest and surprise the chosen one. Men in a state of love are accompanied by a constant change of mood - it seems to be flying with happiness, then it is tormented by uncertainty. Most attempts to make the right impression on the fair sex end in failure, which gives rise to emotional problems and barriers. A man, until he wins the final victory, will be unsure of his own abilities.

The second phase begins at the moment when the relationship becomes "official". Confidence grows by leaps and bounds. At this phase, the foundation is laid for the further behavior of men in relationships. He unconsciously evaluates the boundaries of what is permitted, and establishes the territory of his own freedom and power.

The third phase is the state of the loving individual. Often this phase comes to family relationships. The experiences of men are the same as in the first phase, but hidden deep in the subconscious.

Although the psychology of a man in love differs from that of a woman, it is quite easy to understand.

Psychology of a married man

The male half of the population, especially the one that excites women's hearts, is, as luck would have it, bound by marriage. Therefore, women periodically establish relationships with “married women”.

Psychologists say that the representative of the stronger sex, who loves his own wife, will not commit adultery. He will not risk happiness, built up by years of living together, for the sake of momentary pleasure. In a married man, the desire to protect the family, to maintain the usual way of life and relationships prevails. Contrary to stereotypes, most married men are conservatives. A loving man needs only one wife. The prospect of entering into a new relationship, building relationships anew, getting used to the "overshoots" of a new girlfriend, changing the established order of life that you love does not inspire, often even scares.

The psychology of a married man is such that most non-free representatives will hide the presence of a wife until they fall for a lie or a woman sees through his lie. When a married man is pressed, he reluctantly admits that he is bound by marriage, but he will present his marriage as something insignificant. Basically, representatives of the stronger sex hide the fact of their lack of freedom solely for selfish reasons. After all, the young lady he likes may not agree to spend time in the company of married men. If a representative of the strong half does not hide the fact of having a wife or accidentally let slip about his marriage, then later he will mention his wife in such a tone as if she is a distant relative or an inanimate creature in general, an annoying nuisance that interferes with having a good time.

This behavior is quite understandable. After all, men appreciate a calm and measured life, devoid of scandals. Such a "silence" relieves him of the hassle and is convenient for everyone. However, don't be fooled. No matter how a man talks about his wife, she does not cease to be her. A wife may be boring and unloved, but in the life of every married man she occupies a rightful essential place.

Why does a married man seek intimate relationship on the side? Psychologists have identified a number of the most common reasons:

Men often believe that the wife has ceased to understand him, and therefore they are looking for understanding on the side. Often it is more important for men to understand their subtle mental organization, and not intimacy;

The man is tired of the constant scandals and showdowns arranged by his wife, he wants to take a break from her steady discontent and "sour" facial expression;

A man dreams of diversity in his own intimate life;

If there is a baby in the family, then the man is simply tired of constant lack of sleep and crying, of the inattention of his wife;

If a man entered into marriage on a “flight” or because it is necessary, and he himself has not yet matured for marriage, then freedom and communication with young ladies will beckon him. After all, there are so many beautiful ladies around, but he can’t, he is married. This "injustice" causes resentment for life and provokes a strong half into extramarital relationships.

In addition, relationships on the side are completely satisfied for a man, no matter from which side you look at them. He successfully plays the social role of husband and head of the family. And the presence of a young mistress only adds to his status in the eyes of friends. After all, this is an indirect argument proving his masculine and material viability.

Also, marital relations bring not only delicious borscht and a warm bed, but also certain obligations shared with the spouse. Therefore, often, after coming home from work after a hard day at work, men want to relax, and not plunge into a pile of family problems that require an immediate solution. Naturally, this does not cause a romantic mood. As a result, the strong half is not so strong. Instead of trying to find a way out of the vicious circle, because the wife is also hard, men find an easier option - a relationship on the side.

Psychology of a man after a breakup

Most ladies are interested in the question: why do men return after parting? Psychology says that they have many reasons to return to their previous relationship. After all, even if a representative of the stronger sex in public demonstrates indifference, this does not mean that he has peace in his soul. It is generally accepted that the stronger sex is thick-skinned, so the gap is much easier to bear than the ladies. This opinion is completely untrue. Men can also have a hard time breaking up with their beloved, they just don’t show their own emotions or drown them at the bottom of their glasses.

The primary and main task of men after the breakup of a relationship is to hide their true state. They are trying by all means to prove to the environment their indifference about what happened. Therefore, often outwardly they become even more cheerful and cheerful. He expresses his sadness in his striving:

get drunk;

More often to be in noisy companies;

Have fun;

Find an extreme hobby like motocross;

Seduce as many naive female "fools" as possible;

Start a one night relationship.

Why do men return after a breakup? Psychology says that there may be several reasons for this.

In the first turn, it becomes uncomfortable for the strong half to be without an ex-girlfriend, because it turns out that in his life the role of the chosen one is quite large. Secondly, truth, as we know, is born in comparison. A man usually, having parted with his girlfriend, instantly plunges into a new relationship. And it often happens that the former lady of the heart turns out to be more intelligent, balanced, cheerful, honest than the current one. Thirdly, males often need a certain amount of time to realize the depth of their own feelings for a former girlfriend.

Also, the reason for the return can be a banal jealousy for new men in the life of a former passion. Often, the representatives of the stronger sex refer to former girlfriends as an object that, even after the lapse of time, remains their property. Therefore, when a new young man appears in the life of a girl, the former chosen one is ready to conquer her again.

In addition, men can return "home" when they work up. Being free, of course, is great, but I want the same care, warmth, affection and comfort.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

"He called after 5 years. We met. He went to another city, married his children. And I crawled along the walls, cried, I started having health problems from stress, somehow calmed down. I tried to forget, I had other men, I lived with one for a year.

I found a sea of ​​hobbies for myself - beading, painting by numbers, a gym - just to keep my head busy, life has become completely different. And here on you. As he said: “I come about 2 times a year, I remember you all the time, but only now I dared to call.” I left my email address, but I will not write, so as not to tear my soul. He left and I was in tears again. Tell me WHY did he do it? He could not answer this question himself. Anna.

Dear Ann! The site "Beautiful and Successful" will try to help with advice to you and many other women who find themselves in this situation: suddenly showed up a man with whom you broke up a long time ago.

"Why did he do it?"

As can be understood from your letter, 5 years ago you experienced a painful break with this man, which, presumably, did not occur on your initiative. Five years is a really long time for life to change radically - both for you and for him.

Your ex wasted no time in meeting another woman and starting a family. What motives could he have to remind himself again?

From the subtext of your letter, a version is clearly visible that flatters you very much in the depths of your soul. Perhaps during your brief meeting, the man did everything to hint at just such an option. This version is in the mentioned phrase: "I remember you all the time."

In everyday life, you can understand: a woman who was once abandoned by a loved one, because of which she suffered for a long time, is probably maliciously pleased to know that he, it turns out, has also suffered and saddened all these years, and did not live happily ever after with a new wife!

The second important meaning that you probably put into this phrase (“I remember you all the time”) is that you were and remained for him the only truly beloved, the best, the main one in the “harem” of all those women who He had, is and will be. It's quite nice to feel the most important and the best, isn't it?

What does the version that the phrase about memories leads to look like? The man you, but then began to repent.

He did not find anyone better in life, and, apparently, he married just anyone - so as not to be completely alone, due to flight, calculation or some other circumstances - but definitely not for the same great and pure love that he had with you, and which he allegedly remembers all the time. At the same time, he is such a shy, modest little thing that in the five long years during which he was tormented by memories, he never dared to write or call!

But less than half a century later, he gathered all his determination into a fist and finally showed up. Probably, his bright dream now is to leave his wife and children for the one whom he has been secretly remembering all these years!

The version is beautiful and romantic. But an attentive outside observer will not miss a number of points that characterize our hidalgo very ambiguously! In particular:

• Five years of remembering, thinking, dreaming - and not daring to say anything??? Moreover, not an abstractly alien Beautiful Lady, but a woman with whom he had already had a close relationship - that is, he probably knows you well and could find the right words, tactful approach etc. I don't believe it, gentlemen. I do not believe!!! Well, except that we are dealing with an absolute "rag", which even "lie in the direction of the dream" does not dare - let alone take any action.
• In these five years, this Knight of the Sorrowful Image did not walk alone as a sufferer. He found a new lady of the heart, got married and had kids with her. You can think as much as you like that some cunning bitch fooled and twisted your naive sweetie, that this marriage was initially unsuccessful, insincere and unnecessary, but ... Face it. Either this macho man is really a “rag”, who unquestioningly agreed to marry an unloved one, or everything is not so bad - your ex created a happy family in the years that you suffered! There is a third version - he really regretted the old broken relationships all this time, did not and does not have great feelings for his wife, and created a family for some selfish, selfish reasons. That is, in fact - he himself is a deceiver, in relation to the woman whom he called in marriage, who bore him children! Anyway - he went to the registry office not blindfolded. If he really hoped and strove to revive the old relationship, he would hardly have taken such a serious step aside as marrying another.
• During your meeting made no specific proposal. Like "let me divorce my wife and start all over again." Well, or "let's communicate in a friendly way (maybe even be friends with new families)." Not very surprising would even be an offer to become his mistress - but this did not sound. He did not even answer a direct question - why did he show up years later? And how the meeting ended - he left his email address. In fact, by doing this, he transferred the initiative into your hands: they say, if you are bored, you will come running yourself, like a pretty one! If you decide to write to him, this would mean that the situation has turned 180 degrees: he doesn’t want to return to you because he suffered and remembered, but you humbly run to a married man, five years later, at his first hint. Do you like this arrangement?

As you can see, the romantic version of his "constant remembrance" is bursting at the seams. What could really happen?

1. He wants turn your ex-girlfriend into a convenient mistress. Unfortunately, many men think of this before! The alignment is the most suitable - you live in different cities, in your city it happens twice a year. That is, a minimum risk of "sleeping" in front of his wife, but a great option for infrequent adventures on the side. The mistress would not be outraged by the rarity of meetings and the inconstancy of such relationships - after all, it was initially known that he was now married, nobility would not allow destroying the family. In addition, if a man is perceptive enough, it probably was not difficult for him to determine that your interest in him has not completely faded, and again capturing your attention is not a particular problem (let alone winning the heart of a new young lady from scratch, being married!) . But even if the relationship with you as a mistress didn’t work out for him, a man can always say: “but I didn’t really want to, I just gave you an e-mail, and you climbed into bed yourself - I didn’t force you” .
2. Another option that could happen is that you yourself misinterpreted the words and behavior of a man, and thought up a story that did not exist - about hidden feelings, an unhappy marriage, a desire to return to past relationships, etc. What did you hear from the man in fact? That he remembered you all the time, but did not dare to write. This may be the purest truth - he remembered you for all five years. Like once every six months. For example, under New Year and on your birthday, when he had to solve a dilemma - to call the former with formal congratulations, so as not to remain a goat in her eyes, or not to spoil his nerves with awkward silence and tortured dialogue. As you can see, he resolved the dilemma in favor of not calling. It is so much calmer. Although some worm occasionally bit him - or maybe call, but at least look at how she is there - go and suffer for me, handsome? ..
3. The third option - this meeting is a man just boosted my self esteem. He probably decided on this act at some difficult moment in his life - for example, some kind of crisis in the family. And here is a beautiful, successful, strong woman who is lying in a faint with happiness because he barely appeared on her horizons five years later! An excellent “medicine” for male self-esteem is to look at a woman who has suffered from it for many years, and is still crying as soon as the door slams behind him! It doesn’t even matter whether there will be something after this meeting or not - it’s even calmer if the rendezvous remains one-time and there are no resentments and claims on it. Only poorly concealed delight and adoration from the former. Ideally!

What now?

In general, you did absolutely the right thing - you decided not to write or call, not to start any re-relations.
But some disturbing conclusions can be drawn from the circumstantial details of the letter.

First, you write that "he left, and I'm in tears again." Emotionally, this meeting excited you very much, and you probably began to regret the separation that happened a long time ago, that such a wonderful man did not marry you, and so on. Yes, you were able to understand everything correctly with your mind, but ... some kind of spark to him in you has not yet died out, has it? ..

This is also indirectly evidenced by the story of what happened in your life after the breakup: “I tried to forget, I had other men, I lived with one for a year.” Not "I fell in love with another"! You kind of admit that all subsequent men were just a way to “scrub your head” - on a par with beading, drawing, etc.

Apparently, even parting with other guys did not cause any special mental anguish - because in your life there was already one Tragedy (yes, that's right, with a capital "T") - parting with Him, the One and the Most-Most!

That is, we can conclude that your true question is not “what to do next”, after this meeting (because you yourself, without the advice of the site site, made the right strong-willed decision - not to write and not to call). And not even “why is he doing this?” - because if this man really did not bother you, then you would simply be indifferent to his motives, and you would not write us this emotional letter.

In fact, your problem is how to truly forgive him and, and completely turn this page of life. You've learned to "scrub your head" - that's good, but now you're faced with a new challenge - to find a place in your heart for a new love!

When this happens, then, believe me, no former gentleman will really bring you to tears!